I don’t know anyone who doesn’t worry about money. And it doesn’t matter how much they have – a little or a lot – they still worry. “I can’t afford it” is the excuse I hear most often from women who don’t step up and invest in their own happiness.

I’ve even said it myself when it came time to take a trip or hire a personal trainer. But I want those things. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I also deserve to have them.

Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW there are practical realities and fears when you are just coming out of divorce or have made a change from a high-paying job.  But I also know most fears are not rational.

So I set out to come to terms with my own money story.

As I look back, I never used to worry about money. I was very creative in my financing. If I spent too much, I set out to earn more. When that didn’t work, I’d refinance and pay off my debt and start all over again. Money always flowed in and out of my life.

The problem was it flowed out faster than it flowed in and I exhausted myself keeping up with the drain.

This eventually got me into trouble after my divorce when I left my high-paying management job and decided to start my own business and live within my means.

At times, I got scared – petrified. I’d wake up in the middle of the night wondering “how am I going to pay the bills?” I was paralyzed by fear. I stopped spending. The interesting thing was, when I stopped the flow of money out, money also stopped flowing in.

I fell into the “I can’t afford it” money mind trap.  When that happened, I got interested.

“What we put our attention on grows.” ~ Kate Northrup

I started paying attention to my money. Where it came from and where it went. I was actually receiving more than I thought. It was also interesting to see where it all went and I did make some changes.

To get clear on my new money story, I consulted with some heavy weight prosperity gurus and here is what I learned:

1. You can only change what you actually see.

To go from “I can’t afford it” to “I have everything I need and want,” you need to fall in love with your money and have your money fall in love with you.

 Spend time with it – as if you are getting to know a brand new friend – you would make time and get to know each other. Maybe you chat over coffee in the morning. Do the same with your money. Look at your bank accounts every day.

• Where is your money coming from?
• Where is your money going?
• Do you want to make more? Spend less?  Know what you have and see what you can shave.

Are there recurring charges for things you no longer use or want? Stop those now. Can you lower the interest rate on your credit card accounts? Call every three months and ask. Many times, the answer is yes.

How much do you want to receive in the next few weeks? Make a list of what you need and write that number down. Ask yourself, “What’s the fastest path to the cash?” You will be surprised how creative you can become.

2. “Money flows to those who value themselves.”

According to Kate Northrup in “Money: A Love Story.” If money has stopped flowing to you, check in on how much you are valuing yourself. Are you getting paid what you are worth? Do you take time to care for yourself? Eat healthy food? Take care of your body by exercising and by pampering yourself from time to time? How you care for yourself is a good indication of how much you value yourself.

Are you getting paid what you are worth or are you constantly discounting your services? Do you hold yourself back from asking for a raise or a promotion? If you are discounting your value, that’s a clue worthy of investigation.

If you take out your money woes by eating too much, worrying too much and being cranky in general; if that sound track in your head is playing the same old negative tape and  you hear yourself complaining all day, those are clear-cut signals that you don’t value what you already have.

Shift your energy and focus on what is GOOD in your life. What are you grateful for? Do you have two eyes that see? Two legs that get you where you need to go? Is there a roof over your head? Stop focusing on what you don’t have and start valuing what you do have.

3.    “Money is simply energy…. And we have the ability to make more of it anytime we want.”

Kate Northrup teaches us. Money also reflects what we value. So take these two concepts and put them together. If you have something you want, what are you willing to do to get it? Will you take on a project? Get a second job? Ask for that raise or for that promotion? Will you sell something you no longer value? Will you stop spending on something that matters less?

 If money is energy and you work pretty damned hard to earn what you get, where do you want to spend your energy? How much is your energy worth?

Perhaps you are you holding on to things that you no longer value. If you release them to someone who does, will you be able to get the thing you value in return?

I have done this several times and it feels so damn good. I sold my old professional camera online and was able to buy a used digital camera to record my videos. Wow, it felt great! And I even had enough left over to buy a good microphone.

4. Money stories are often built upon self-limiting beliefs which are rarely true.

The most limiting of beliefs is “I can’t afford that.” Better stated, “It’s not a priority for me right now.”

 I’m going to borrow a technique from Byron Katie’s “The Work.” It’s a powerful practice where you take your beliefs and and investigate them to find out if they are really true.

The next time you say, “I can’t afford it.” Ask yourself, “Is that really true?” then probe further, “Can I be absolutely sure that it’s true?” What happens when you believe that thought? Write down what happens when you believe the thought: “I can’t afford it.”

Who would you be and what would you be doing if you didn’t have that thought? Try flipping that thought around and say, “I can afford it.”  Write down at least three specific, genuine examples of how this is true for you in this situation.

The biggest self-limiting belief you have may be “I’m not worth it.” Should that come up for you, that is a very good place to start.

5. “Money comes to those prepared to receive it.”

As Edwene Gaines says.  Are you a good receiver? When someone pays you a compliment, do you graciously receive it? Or do you deflect with, “oh, this? This is just something I found hanging around my closet.” Do you argue if you are out with a friend and she offers to pay the bill?

To shift to an abundance mindset, learn to accept the gifts you have already been given. It’s hard for the Universe to reward you with more if you don’t accept what has already been offered.

These are five truths that I have helped me rewrite my money story. I hope you have found them helpful too. Next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t afford that.” I hope you take a moment to at least explore your own money story.

“Absolutely anything is possible that you want to achieve. But you’ve got to take concrete steps toward the dreams that you have.”

~ Edwene Gaines

Recommended Reading:

“The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity,” Edwene Gaines

“Money: A Love Story,” Kate Northrup

“Loving What Is,” Byron Katie