Work is never a bed of roses. Whether you work for yourself or have a position of some responsibility in another organization, we all fail at one time or another. How we handle failure says a great deal about our self worth and our ability to succeed going forward.
Last month I posed this question on a very popular women’s networking group on LinkedIn:
“How do you get back on track after a confidence crisis?”
If you are a high performer, it’s likely you put a lot of pressure on yourself (and those around you too). What happens when you fail? When the project you were running, or product you were launching doesn’t meet goals? It’s easy to slip into self-doubt and self-judgment – which can have big negative ramifications in the corporate world when sharks smell blood.
How do you pull yourself up again and call in your courage? Share your best tips for keeping your attitude up and your reputation in tact.”
The flood of compassion, vulnerability and heart-felt support in the nearly 250 comments that followed was nothing short of amazing! We showed up for each other like only women can – with heart and wisdom.
Here is a summary of the top 30 recommendations for when life knocks you down. More than 200 women shared how to get back on your feet, hold your head high and tackle your next challenge.
- Whatever it is – don’t take it personally or too seriously
- Surround yourself with people who lift you up and believe in you
- Cry, be sorry, but avoid the pity party – or at least don’t stay too long
- Be with it, learn from it, take constructive action
- Stop judging (yourself and others) unless you really do have a seat on the bench
- Don’t make the same mistake twice – adjust your targets and your team to reach your next goal
- Go work up a sweat
- Don’t compare yourself to others, it sinks you deeper into feeling less competent
- Stop pleasing and trying to be perfect – worse things have happened and this too shall pass
- Determine the contributing factors, make corrections and move on
- Breathe, meditate, tap your inner sense of peace
- Beware of fear and doubt – they are wily traps that are hard to escape
- Remember how great you truly are. List your past accomplishments and note your strengths (if this is too difficult, you can ask others)
- Be wary of what you sign up for. Learn to spot unattainable goals
- What are you tolerating from others that you need to let go of?
- Seek therapy if you are sinking too deep and can’t get yourself out
- “Get curious, not furious”
- Cook a great meal. Clean your house.
- Do something in service for someone else
- Read poetry, spend time in nature – reconnect with your core
- Laugh and be patient with yourself. Be open-minded – how is this crisis opening up a new opportunity for success?
- Lean on your spiritual practice for support and guidance
- Get an outside perspective – consult a friend or trusted colleague for their take on things
- Know that you are not perfect and there are bound to be bumps in the road
- Fail quickly and gracefully, but above all keep moving forward
- Failure is part of success and it’s never personal
- Remember there is nothing you can’t do if your soul is in it
- Get a coach
- Don’t give up!
- Eat chocolate!
And one from my coach …
Make your mess your message. Your rebound from failure will only increase your attraction as a leader. By authentically telling your story, others will be inspired to follow you.
How do you pull yourself out of a confidence crisis? Post your best strategies below. I guarantee you someone else needs to hear it!
Release Fear. Think Clear. Get Into Gear.
I pull myself out of a confidence crisis with these strategies:
1. focus on my breathing to calm and sooth myself
2. don’t allow myself to think about the crisis when I’m feeling emotionally raw
3. pray that God will help me through it and learn from it
4. remember that I survived other crisis just fine
5. trust I’ll be fine this time too
6. don’t talk about it during the crisis because it fuels the fire
7. focus on something positive
8. go for a run
9. repeat until the crisis is distant enough emotionally, that I can look at it with greater curiosity and objectivity.
Beautiful strategies Rhonda. Thank you for sharing your insight with us here.
Great recommendations, Deb. I’m on my way to the chocolate store as I type…
Hah Jennifer… get that serotonin going!
Debra, what a great post and what great support you received from your LinkedIn Group. Everyone goes through this at one time or another and learning how to bounce back is crucial to one’s success and mindset.
Here’s a two-part exercise I use that will boost your confidence in 10 minutes flat:
1. Reflect on your achievements.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Then, instead of making a list of all you haven’t done or all that is going wrong, do the opposite. Think about today or the last week and write down all you’ve achieved. Then write down WHY they’re achievements. What’s the reason each achievement is an achievement? What’s the reason it was important to you? By writing down the WHY, you actually convince yourself WHY each one was a good thing for you and your business. And, by reflecting on what you HAVE done versus focusing your energy on the gaps, you will naturally get a boost and see you ARE making progress.
2. Write down what’s next.
Once you’ve convinced yourself you’ve had achievements – and most importantly know why they’re achievements – then move onto the second step. For each achievement, write down further progress and next actions. Maybe for certain achievements you had there were some things you didn’t get done and this is where you can fill those in. Or, maybe there were that didn’t work well you need to ditch or change. This is the place to list your next action steps and make course corrections.
Thank you Nadine Nicholson! This is excellent advice for anyone – whether an entrepreneur or someone who works in a corporate or government setting. We all have setbacks. It’s how we handle them that counts. This is a terrific exercise. Thank you for sharing it with our readers.