I never expected to think of my mom as my role model.

After all, growing up she was a stay-at-home mom and ours was far from an equal opportunity household.

My dad made the money and he ruled the roost. If he was happy, we were happy. To me, my mom became invisible… I didn’t need her approval, I only had to deal with him.

Hence all my life, I modeled myself after my father. He was successful. I wanted to be successful. He was industrious. I wanted to be industrious. He was fun and social. I wanted to be fun and social.

Mom? She was afraid I was going to drown in the ocean, get hit by a car, or lose my way home…. And she cried over everything. Later, I began to think it was her deep sense of loss – of losing herself in her own life.

She was still raising babies when I went to college, so we never really got to bond as women, until now.

“Hey mom, what’s new?” I asked.

Mom is starting to slip a bit – she sometimes gets confused and repeats herself, so I was surprised by what came next.

“I’m going to a luncheon about a new senior center that is opening up in Warren. I know my mind is slipping a bit and I don’t want to end up in a nursing home if something happens, so I’m just taking precautions and checking things out.”

“Wow mom, that’s great! I’m so proud of you for taking action like this. Most seniors fight tooth and nail to remain independent and here you are planning for your future…. That’s really wise.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised. Mom is the kind of woman who takes out warranties on new appliances in case something goes wrong. “Mom, a water heater should last 10 – 15 years – the chances of it breaking are far less than what you are paying in insurance.”

Mom has also paid for her funeral and chosen the spot for her memorial dinner. She’s pretty incredible when it comes to taking care of plans. But for most of her life, mom was taking care of everyone else but herself.

Her father had dementia and lived with us for 13 years.

She had two children when she was in her 40’s and she was really active in my sisters’ schools.

Then my father’s emphysema put her in the caretaker role once again. Their dreams of retirement quickly evaporated when he had to travel with an oxygen tank.

They sold the beach house on the shore that was her sanctuary, and Mom disappeared for years behind the needs of my dad.

It wasn’t until he died that she finally came out and became her own woman – happier than I can ever remember her being. She got her life back. She came into her own at 72.

I know that behind this decision to look for assisted living, is really fear. But I appreciate how she has taken that fear and turned it into action that will create the life she wants to live in her next chapter.

She’s braver than 50% of you who are reading this right now. She is actually taking control and creating her next phase in life.

That’s why she’s my role model.

At 83, will you look back and think, “is this what all that stress was for? I slaved away at my career for years and never did what I really wanted to do.” or “my life is really lonely – I wish I had stuck with finding the right man back then.”

Both of those can be pretty frightening thoughts. So, what are you doing now? How are you using that fear to drive your next action?

No one wants feel they’ve lived a shadow life. No one wants to end up alone. What are you going to do now to ensure that your next phase is better than your last?

Take a lesson from Joyce –

1. Ground yourself in your immediate reality – stop leaving it to fate, taking things a day at a time and pretending that things will work themselves out. If there’s something in your life that isn’t working – a job, a relationship, your health – how is this holding you back from enjoying your life right now? What is it costing you in terms of your future happiness if it continues?
2. Get clear on what you want to happen – give yourself permission to want more than you have. Get the support you need to get clear on your ideal future. You are a creator with all the forces of the universe at your beck and call. Your ideal, most fulfilling life is yours for the asking. What do you want?
3. Take immediate action to create the life you want – where do you want to be? A beach house by the water? Who do you want to be with? The love of your life? How do you want to feel? Healthy, sexy and vitally alive? That’s a great start. Now what’s the first step you need to take to get there?

If this Wednesday Wisdom has spurred your thinking and you want to take action on your big dream, start here. 

Even at 83, as my mom knows, it’s never too late to start something new.