Why Finding Love is Hard After 50

Last night I had the pleasure of hosting a group coaching session for about a dozen women in their 50’s and 60’s who are looking for love. They all wanted to know “why finding love is so hard over 50?”

Whether widowed, divorced or never married, they all share a deep longing for connection–to be seen, heard, respected and cherished. To receive that birthright of a deep, open, loving and trusting connection.

Why finding love is hard after 50

In midlife, there are fewer options. It’s not like when you are in your 20’s and 30’s and you naturally met available and interesting men in the course of your day.

You also may not be feeling as confident as you once did. With age comes wisdom and clarity – less fantasy and a new sense of realism.

You have more battle scars and bruises–this pockmarked heart is tender and vulnerable.

“Where do I start?” asked two widows, several who are divorced, and two who had never married.

You start with you.

No matter what your experience with love has been up to now, you are in the perfect place at the right time. You can only be on your path, you can’t be off your path.

“Everyone who has come into your life has been a gift,” I said. Even if it wasn’t the right man, he arrived in your life at the perfect time to teach you something about yourself.”

So ask yourself, “What did I learn in this relationship?”

Success in love is about tuning out the static in your life and tuning into your own signal.

What does that mean?

It means, clearing out the limiting beliefs, patterns from the past, and allowing yourself to step into who you really are and claim all the love that is available to you now.

“Why is this so hard?” several asked.

It feels hard because of the emotional baggage.

By the time you hit 50 or 60, you have a lifetime of accumulated “junk” that you carry around with you–patterns of thinking and behaving that became survival modes that now only get in the way of you receiving the love, relationships and connection that you want.

How do you start again?

What I love about this life is that there is always an opportunity to start over – every moment is a choice – it’s YOUR choice to believe, act and receive anything you want. In short, it’s about ‘showing up’ for you.

As women we have perfected the skill of showing up for others–our kids, parents, friends, family, and associates–we suck at showing up for ourselves. In fact, for many it’s a foreign concept. Even if you logical mind says, “I love myself,” I challenge you to look at how you actually treat yourself.

How do you invest in your own happiness?

Last night I shared my six step process for starting over that I call, The Great Do-Over. It’s a culmination of years on my own journey after divorcing a narcissist to whom I was married for more than 25 years.

I had lost my soul and my heart was closed for business.

I knew things had to change and they had to change inside of me.

Here’s what that journey looks like. The good news is that you can repeat the same steps in the same order as I did and be in this place of rocking love and rocking life with a deep soul connection with someone who sees you, respects you and cherishes you.

Six steps to reinvent your love life

ONE: Connect with the REAL you
By the time you arrive at this point, you have accumulated a good deal of mental debris. It’s time to clear out this hoarder’s house so you can tune out noise and tune into your internal vibration. Get clear on you want to receive in this next chapter of your love story.

Turn on your personal power center
Create a clear vision of your love and your life together
Create daily habits that tune into your soul signal and begin following that internal guidance

TWO: Remove your hidden barriers to love
Unconscious thoughts, belief systems, and self sabotage patterns are actually keeping love just out of reach. Until these unconscious patterns become conscious, they will continue to drive you. It’s important that you:

Process the past by clearing the limiting beliefs and stories that get in the way of true love
Remove your unconscious sabotage patterns and enjoy new success in relationships and other areas of your life
Create new permissions and raise your deserve level in love to receive more love and success in your life
Eliminate toxic relationships create good emotional boundaries – protect your progress

THREE: Develop deep self love
“No one can love you more than you love you,” I always say. And, it’s true. You are a mirror for love. No matter how much “ego love” you have for yourself, your underlying self esteem is what will vibrate with your love connections. This is where you start putting your actions behind your words and letting your feelings of receiving love expand and flourish.

Train yourself to listen to your inner voice and trust your own guidance
Learn that questions are more important than answers in creating your path to love
Master the highest vibrational frequencies of thought and expectation
Focus on your own “pleasure principle” in bringing more into your life.

FOUR: Activate a new relationship strategy
You may have noticed that steps 1-3 have nothing to do with dating and finding a man and everything to do with preparing yourself for love. Step 4 gets you into activation mode. Let’s manifest this man now that you are ready to receive him!

Better love relationships naturally flow to you when you are honoring your value, your values and your non-negotiables
Trust in your love story by seeing how your emotional vibration impacts your relationships

FIVE: Create a new ‘dating strategy’ and get good at it
Now that you know who you are looking for, it’s time to call him in. Whether you venture online to meet more men or leave it to fate, you need to know who you’re shopping for or you may revert into age-old patterns (same relationship, different man).

Date less and enjoy it more by putting your new tools to work in the search for your man
Develop good filters by sticking to your engagement protocol, evaluate your success and revise your approach as you go along
Have more fun dating through conscious choices and meeting men who embody your values–releasing any attachment to the outcome
Magnetize your dating profile through putting the law of attraction to work for you

SIX: Master the art of the conscious relationship
Now that you have met your man (or when you meet him) it’s time to show up in your full presence and power. Learn to develop conscious communication skills that enable you to both evolve and grow closer together as your relationship matures. It can take months if not years to truly connect on the deepest levels. Here is your roadmap for developing that soul-rocking love.

Experience deepening levels of love and connection
Honor your desires and create a shared vision for the journey together
Develop new skills in conscious communication – emotionally and physically – that enhance your love and your attraction to each other
There you have it. The six steps in The Great Do-Over roadmap to creating a soul-rocking love.

Now you have a choice

Do you want to go the road alone? Or woudl you rather have a guide and company along the way?

The Great Do-Over Summer of Love is about to start. I am leading up to 10 amazing women on this journey to finding a soul-rocking love. Our road trip starts on June 12 and there are only a few spots left.

It’s time for you to decide (and realize that not deciding is also a choice – a choice not to take action).

Click here to learn more about The Great Do-Over.

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