“Don’t believe everything you think.”

I’m back at my desk, fresh from a Great Do-Over Retreat with five amazing women. Each arrived with her own goal:

• “I want to heal from past hurts, let go of a toxic relationship, and find the courage to date.”
• “I want to find the courage and clarity make a change with my work that is negatively impacting other areas of my life – my marriage, my weight, and my mental health.”
• “I want to get back to “me” after a series of life traumas and create a new vision for my life and see that out.”
• “I want to learn the tools to put a great life into motion and to get back in touch with myself and what make me happy.”
• “I want to take an honest look at myself again, create a better life, and to find my purpose now that my children have all grown.”

For me, The Great Do-Over is pure joy to deliver. As the weekend progressed it began to feel like a big group high as everyone experienced a breakthrough in their thinking.

This year we even took before and after photos so that these women can see the very real physical changes from doing this internal work. Their eyes shine brighter, chins tilt upward, smiles are bigger, and worry lines disappear. I wish I could show you!

As I was thinking about what to write you to today, I thought about that last weekend together and the biggest insights we learned as a group. Here they are:

1. Be kind to yourself. Stop and listen to the things you say to yourself in your head. That inner dialog is going 24/7 and a good portion of that is made up of criticism, worry, regret, to-do lists… That inner dialog is determining what you do and what you experience – with work, with relationships, with money and yourself. Check in. Is this helping or hurting you?
2. Set good boundaries. Do you have fluid boundaries? Do you people please? Do you care about what others think of you? Are your buttons easily pushed? It’s never about them. It’s all about you. If someone is pushing your button, it’s because your button is hanging out with a big red sign saying, “push me.” Stay true to your heart. If it’s a no. Say no.
3. Question your beliefs. This is a real game changer for everyone. How right do you believe you are in this situation? Are you sure it’s true? Can you be absolutely sure? Believing your thoughts is the surest road to suffering. Nine times out of ten what you believe about someone else – their behavior or their motivations or intentions – is not even true. Yet you allow anger, hurt, and resentment to poison your emotional well. Believing these stories prevents you from feeling true joy and peace.
4. Make room for insight. When your life feels like it’s running on autopilot, and you go through the motions of your day (all this while this internal talk show is going on in your head) there’s rarely room for a new idea or inspiration to wedge it’s way in. Intentionally set time aside to connect, get quiet and get into alignment with your core desires.
5. Reside in the question. “I want to know and I want to know right now!” is the way most of us handle a situation when we don’t know what to do. It’s much better (and more effective) to reside in the question, “How is it that I get to change careers in mid life? What is it that satisfies my soul?” “How is it that I can move to that new house I see so clearly in my mind?” We are programmed to look for answers from the outside, when you already have the answers on the inside – you’ve just stopped listening.
6. Live your vision. If you have a vision for your life, sometimes you might feel frustrated that it’s not happening now and you don’t know why it’s not and it’s taking so long and you are beginning to believe it might never happen…. I get it. When you know what you want, you want it now (go back to #5). The truth is, you’ll see it when you feel it. This is a spiritual muscle that you are working – one that’s connecting you to your core desires. Daydream more. Be in it. See it. Feel it. Touch it. Stay in that exhilarated high.

Today as I was surfing Facebook, I saw a video of a former minister turned career coach who said that, In all my time ministering to the dying no one ever spoke about things they did that they regretted. The only regrets they had were for what they did not do.

Live like you are dying – for every moment is a mini death – a split second of time that will never be here again.

If this Wednesday Wisdom article comes at just the right time, comment below and let me know.