“The stumbler doesn’t build her life by being better than others, but by being better than she used to be.”

~ David Brooks

I’m a stumbler.

I’m also a new fan of New York Times columnist, David Brooks.

While reading “Thrive” by Arianna Huffington, I was struck by the insight, attributed to Brooks, that when we die, we are not remembered for our accomplishments – no one ever says, “Her PowerPoints were always impeccable.” or “She blew through her revenue targets year after year.”

No. When you die, people remember you for the person you are and how you made them feel. They will remember your laughter, your compassion, great dinner parties and self-deprecating moments. They will remember your strength of character, your mentorship and insights. How you made them feel special. What an amazing role model you were to follow.<

So are you living your “résumé virtues” or your “eulogy virtues?” This is the question posed by David Brooks in his April 11 column, “The Moral Bucket List.”

I confess that on more than one occasion I have wondered if my decision to leave the corporate life and the big salary was an ill-timed move. “Will I regret not having a larger 401K when I retire?” “Will I struggle putting my son through college?” “Was this a supremely ill-advised and selfish decision?” Yes, I have had these thoughts.

Brooks says “…If you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured.” When I made my decision to leave my career and my marriage, it was this that drove me. There was a me I didn’t know. A me that craved to uncover my faults, to bust through fear and discover the secrets to real happiness. There was a me who wanted to experience the exhilaration of unconditioned and uninhibited love.

Then, once discovered, I wanted to share those secrets with as many women as I could so together we could celebrate our freedom – freedom from fear, jealousy, comparing, judging, and striving. No sense living a rocking life all alone – I want company!

“People on the road to character understand that no person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own. Individual will, reason and compassion are not strong enough to consistently defeat selfishness, pride, and self-deception. We all need redemptive assistance from the outside.”

I don’t achieve this kind of life on my own. I have a team of others who are walking the same path – who by confronting their own weaknesses, have learned to see clearly and have deep truths to share. These colleagues and mentors hold me accountable and make me a better woman.

But what I found most enlightening and validating in Brooks’ writing was this:

“People on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the world’s deep needs?”

You may be asking some of the same soul searching questions. So let me praise you, hold you up and be your biggest fan. This road is not the easiest traveled. You will feel fear, defeat, and then exhilaration and validation. This is an ‘in it for all of it’ kind of game. But becoming known for the real you? That’s priceless.

Yes, I am a fan of David Brooks – a man who recognizes those who radiate an “inner light” and knows that this is who he wants to be.

So, which life you will live? Will you cultivate your ‘resume virtues’ or ‘eulogy virtues?’ It is a choice.

In love,