As you travel this amazing journey of love and getting to know one another, there is a opening of your heart (if you are willing) to let more love, communication and understanding to flow between you.
It takes months and even years to truly get to know someone. You witness how they handle setbacks and challenges.
You may notice that things you assumed were true may not be true – through no fault of his, but through your own interpretation of what you thought was true. We do look at love through rose colored glasses!
Then there’s that moment… you feel that wrench in your gut. Something is not right.
Maybe he’s lost his job.
Starts texting someone – a lot.
He’s drinking more than usual.
Or any number of things that may trigger a red flag for you. It’s important that you don’t fall into the trap of rationalizing your observations.
If you see something, say something
As you enter into this new relationship with its own unfolding awareness of him as a person with human strengths and struggles, it’s important that you not gloss over your own feelings. If you see something, say something.
No matter how much personal work you have done, you have come to this relationship with a history. Stay aware of yourself and your patterns. You have likely attracted a man who fits perfectly into them!
Listen to your internal voice – don’t suppress it. This is an opportunity for you to stand in your integrity and for the two of you to grow closer today.
If something triggers you. Notice it. Don’t sweep it under the rug. Ask yourself, “Is it true?” Be careful not to slip into a false story of your own, and be a seeker of what is really true in this situation.
Notice how he perfectly reflects your own habits and karmic circumstance. This is an opportunity to be open, vulnerable, acknowledge your fears without triggering your favorite flavor of self sabotage.
At this point you are drawing on all of the tools you have learned up until now in having a successful, conscious relationship and keeping your emotional boundaries in tact.
In the bedroom you are opening up to deepening levels of trust. You are open to exploring a level of connection that you have never experienced before. You are able to merge, and yet maintain your individual identity.
You can give as well as receive and see your own amazing gifts enhanced as you grow together as a couple.
Now it’s time to have conscious conversations.
When Joe lost his third job in as many months after nearly a year of dating and getting increasingly close, Beth felt a knot in her chest so tight it was nearly suffocating.
Her mind was going wild. “This is not what I signed up for. I thought he was financially stable. I love him but I can’t live with this trauma and uncertainty.”
She didn’t break up with him. She decided to say something.
They took a walk in the park. “I have to talk with you,” Beth said. “I love you with every fiber of my being. I know this was a surprise for you. And what I am noticing is that it’s turned into a pattern. Every month it’s another blow. I love you – I’m crazy about you, but I need a man in my life who has a solid financial footing.” then she stopped talking.
What I like about her approach is that she is not making any judgements about him. She is keeping her side clear. “I need a man who…” is simply expressing her need.
Now it was Joe’s turn. “I know baby. I don’t get this either. This has never happened to me before. You can trust me. I have your back.”
And have her back he did. He now earns a substantial salary they are planning to move in together.
Beth kept the conscious conversation about money going. A few weeks later she brought up finances to Joe again. “I’ve noticed that we are so perfectly paired that we share the same deficit in managing money! In the past I was making a lot and spending a lot and not always focused on saving for my retirement.”
“I know that you have had a similar experience with money and I’m worried for our future. I don’t want to fall into a pattern here and I want us to evolve beyond this together.”
Allow him to see you and hear you without getting defensive. If he is defensive about your conversation, he has some evolving to do on his own – and that is worth knowing sooner rather than later too.
To have a consciously evolving and deepening relationship based on trust, you need to get skilled at conscious conversations.
Where can you open up to your partner and have a conscious conversation? Just having that conversation is a gift to him and to you, and will bring you that much closer together.
Post below if you have a story to tell or insight to share.
PostScript: Conscious conversations are not just for maturing relationships. How can you show up more fully in your dating experiences? Where are you accepting behavior that doesn’t feel good? What are you sweeping under the rug?
Leaving things unsaid compromise your integrity and sets up a pattern of relating. Embrace your value and values and get clear on your non-negotiables. You will be amazed at what clarity and conscious conversations can do for your life.
Big love,
Are you ready for your Great Do-Over?
Release Fear. Think Clear. Get Into Gear.