Which of these mind traps is keeping you from living the life you want?

I spend a lot of time talking to women who want to change their lives. Whether it’s a new career, a change in lifestyle, taking a chance on love or feeling better in her skin – most times, there is always an excuse (Mind Traps) standing in the way.

These excuses are actually Mind Traps – states of thinking that help you rationalize where you are so you don’t have to face the fear that’s getting in your way.

Here are the four most common mind traps that can kill your confidence and keep you stuck right where you are.

1. “I don’t have enough time.” – I’m going to call out this one right here – there is no such thing as “I don’t have time.” It really means, “I don’t want to.”

There is always plenty of time for the things you prioritize – your business, your children, your spouse, you name it. For anything outside of you, there is always time. But, “I don’t have time to go to the gym.” or “I don’t have time for romance.” Is really an indication that your priorities are out of whack. There is always plenty of time – for the things and people that are important to you. But there is rarely time for you. Hmmm.

What is this really about? Time is bendable. You manufacture time. You decide how time will be used. You can be focused and move quickly or you can procrastinate and stretch things out. You can delegate, decide to “skip it” or shuffle the deck of your priorities. You are the master of your own time. You can create as much of it as you want. The psychologist and author, Gay Hendricks calls this “Einstein Time.”

“When we switch to Einstein Time, we take charge of the amount of time we have. We realize that we’re where time comes from. We embrace this liberating insight: since I’m the producer of time, I can make as much of it as I need,” Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap

2. “I can’t afford to …” Money is another sticky mind trap that can keep you stuck for a very long time.

Money is energy in exchange for value (and often it’s an indicator of how much we value ourselves) Since we manufacture our own energy, we can also create as much money as we need.

Some of our money struggles come from the mistaken notion that it has to be hard to earn a living. What if you shifted that belief to money comes to me with ease? (Trust me, this one really works. If you doubt it, contact me for firsthand proof.)

The people I see most often who have difficulties with money are those who avoid looking at their money all costs. “When bills come in, I toss them in a pile.” They may rarely look at their bank statements.What you focus your attention on grows and if you are not focussing on your money, it’s likely there is more flowing out than in.

Want to make an immediate shift? Instead of “I can’t afford it” (which psychologically keeps you in a state of lack) try, “it’s not a priority for me right now.” See how much better that feels?

Then, look at things around you to be grateful for. I know gratitude is overly played, but you can’t really overdo gratitude. Remember, what you focus your attention on grows. If you focus attention on the good in your life, you create more good experiences. A feeling of abundance creates more abundance.

Look at your finances. You will find things to cut as well as things to grow. Two simple ways to create more money is to sell the things you no longer want or use and look at the repeated charges on your credit cards that you no longer value or need. (There are literally scores of others, but there’s a start.)

“Money is a stand-in for what we value, and often it’s a stand-in for how much we value ourselves.” – Kate Northrup, Money: A Love Story

3. “My …[kids, parents, job] come first.” This is the most socially acceptable of all mind traps because it carries the veil of unselfishness – of putting someone else’s needs before your own and that’s noble right? Sometimes.

We all have circumstances where we have sacrificed our own wants for the sake of someone else. If you are over 50, it’s likely that you have had children and ailing parents. The “sandwich generation” knows this situation better than most, but it can also become a pathological trap.

Consistently putting others first is a socially acceptable way of hiding out. While we all have times where we sacrifice for our children and our parents – and others who need us – if you find yourself in this constant state of service, it’s likely you are hiding from facing your own needs.

It’s really fear masking as socially respected role that keeps you in what you know, but prevents you from getting what you want.

4. “I can’t. I don’t know how. I’m scared. I’m too old. I’m not good enough.” {Aka: Fear, Doubt & Confusion} These are the stickiest of all mind traps (and hence the toughest ones to shake). We rarely admit them out loud, but they are the secret killers to our deepest dreams. They sap your confidence, keep you stuck and feeling small. They can prevent you from finding love, fulfilling a vision or living your purpose. Of all of the mind traps, this is the hardest and most important one to address. They frequently manifest as resistance. If you are not aware of resistance, you are powerless to change it.

The truth is, they are only thoughts. Thoughts, are just that… well, thoughts. They only become mind traps and have power to limit your potential when you actually believe them to be true.

“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~ Byron Katie, Loving What Is

As a life reinvention coach to accomplished women over 40, I hear these excuses more often than I would like. Addressing these mind traps head on is not so scary, and it’s the #1 thing you can do to step outside of your comfort zone and get the love, success, focus you so desperately want and deserve!

What hit home with you today? Comment below about what rang most true here.