How to Rise Strong – Lessons from Brené Brown

“We are all looking for the same thing. We are looking for a wholehearted life.”
– Brené Brown

 “We want to be able to look at each other and say, ‘I’m imperfect. I’m afraid. I’m vulnerable, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m brave and worthy of love, belonging and joy.’ That’s what everyone is looking for – this sense that I’m enough and my imperfection doesn’t change that.”*

But how many of us are living a ‘whole-hearted life?’

How many times do we compromise joy in favor of long-held beliefs that stress is ‘normal?’ That it’s okay to not sleep. It’s okay to skip meals because there is too much to do. It’s okay to take a beating from my inner critic, because I’m trying to get it right. It’s okay that my life is out of whack because that’s what’s supposed to happen when you are successful.

In her latest book, Rising Strong, Brené Brown highlights the path taken by those who are willing to shed their stories, reckon with emotions, have difficult conversations; those who are willing to rumble with their inner critic, until they get to the bottom layers of truth by examining their stories and turning them upside down.

 “The reckoning is how we walk into our story; the rumble is where we own it. The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we’re making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge and reality-check these narratives as we dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.” from Rising Strong

Then comes the revolution. When this process of feeling, examining your truth and rewriting your story becomes practice. It’s the point at which it becomes so uncomfortable to believe in your stories of unworthiness, unloveability or incompetency – that you can never go back.

 “Discomfort is the way home. He or she who is most willing to be uncomfortable will rise strong.”

For me, this is a lifelong practice that I live and teach. I got here by coming to terms with some very difficult emotions and examining my truths – at work and in my marriage.

Does it feel vulnerable? Hell yes.

But is it worth it? I live in complete alignment with who I am – without condition, hesitation or reservation. This enables me to feel real joy, mountains of gratitude and tsunamis of love.

What I know is this: joy and pain are two sides of one coin. In order to feel one, you have to be willing and open to feel the full force of the other.

Through this process I have fallen. I have examined my stories, tamed my inner critic and come face-to-face with painful feelings. I wish I had a roadmap – I wish Brené was whispering in my ear when I was walking this path. But we were in the process of discovery at the same time. I was uncovering my truths. Reckoning with difficult emotions. Questioning my beliefs and stories about work, relationships and my own value. And, yes, I did rise strong.

I created my own roadmap… a light on the dark path to the soul so that others don’t have to reinvent this wheel, but can follow a step-by-step formula for living a fierce and fabulous and completely authentic life. I’m sharing that roadmap here.

I still love this quote from Theodore Roosevelt that was the inspiration for Brené Brown’s second book:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” Theodore Roosevelt

Are you in the arena?

*Brené Brown as told to Oprah Winfrey on Super Soul Sunday 10/4/2015.

In love,