10 Do’s And Don’ts For Women Starting Over After Divorce At 50

Newly single? Start here.

10 Do’s And Don’ts For Women Starting Over After Divorce At 50

Here you are a woman in midlife, starting over after divorce. What now?

You may feel battered and bruised coming out of a divorce. Whether yours was an amicable separation or a full-blown battle, now is your opportunity to begin again and create the life you have always wanted.

…but do you know what that is? Or how to do it?

Here are 10 do’s and don’ts to ensure yours is a great do-over:

Don’t date yet.
Fresh from a newly minted separation or divorce you are definitely not ready to meet Mr. Right (even if you think you are).

Most women who jump into the dating pool, end up repeating patterns from past relationships, and choose the wrong man. They end up feeling like “there are no good men left, online dating doesn’t work,” and give up after only a couple of months.

Even if you are itching to get back into the game – hold off for now. Unless you are willing to go on 100 bad dates, let’s start from square one.

Do find you
What you most need after a divorce is to find you – the you that got lost in that relationship, the you that hid behind work, kids, and the needs of your parents.

To meet a great guy, you need to be a great woman. Find her first.

Go on a retreat, meditate, change what you eat, expand your consciousness – become insatiably curious about discovering this new you. Pursue her as if it were your greatest passion. Be amazed at what you learn. Celebrate your new discoveries. Unleash your inner goddess – the queen that is desperate to be seen. Let her shine.

Don’t hide out.
While you might not be ready to date, don’t hide out. With the ripple effect of divorce come changes in friendships and family relationships. Your normal routine can be flipped on its head, and as a newly single, you won’t want to spend your social time only with other couples.

Do put together a power posse.
Take a friendship inventory. Who is on your team? Do these women lift you up or bring you down? You may need to make some changes in how you spend your time and with whom.

Want new friends? Ask yourself, “Where are my new friends?” Step out. Join a meet up group. Go to wine tastings, networking events and strike up conversation with people who interest you.

When I moved on after my divorce, I found myself in Costa Rica on a school trip for my son. Another mother (who was also divorced) and I became fast friends. She opened me up to an entire community of single women also on a consciously evolving path.  We must be 20 strong now when we are all together, but four of us are like an older version of the “sex in the city” crew. They are my power posse.

Don’t stay bitter.
Resentment and anger are silent killers. They keep you in a victim role and will eventually chip away at your health. There’s nothing more damaging to the body than a negative attitude.

A victim blames others and doesn’t see her own responsibility. Focusing on what he did wrong will leave you stuck, miserable, and alone. But put on your miner’s hat – this is fertile ground for exploring!

Do get yourself a kickass therapist or coach
You are responsible for past decisions and current circumstances regardless of what went down in your marriage. What is the truth in your current world? What were the bad choices that you made and will never make again? What can you learn about this contrast in experience? How does it inform your future desires? What do you need to do to be happy? What needs to change now?

The Universe has handed you one giant opportunity to reinvent things from scratch. Don’t squander this gift or leave it to fate.

Do take control.
Happiness isn’t a fate, it’s an objective and an objective needs a plan.  Get clear on the life you want to be living. Where are you? How are you spending your days? Who are you spending them with? What is this new relationship like?

Reflect on what jazzes your soul. You are the master of your own destiny. If you want your man to treat you like a queen, act like one.

Don’t stop at the journal or vision board. Take it one step further. Turn your vision into goals. Turn those goals into action. Give yourself deadlines and be firm but kind to yourself as you move forward.

Do focus your thinking.
Thoughts are things. What you spend your time thinking about, you attract into your life. Are your thoughts generating more of what you want? Or are you replaying old familiar themes and can never seem to get a leg up?

Take conscious control of where you focus your attention. Meditate and journal to clear your head. Set a daily intention for what you want to experience. Watch and appreciate what begins to fall into place. Affirm your gratitude for everything – yes everything – even ‘bad’ experiences are great teachers.

What you focus your attention on grows. So, focus your thoughts on your future while appreciating every bit of your now.

Know that experiencing what you don’t want is also a gift – a gift of continual clarity of what you do and don’t want on your wonderful new journey.

When you get to this point, get yourself a drop dead dating outfit, craft the perfect online dating profile and get your gorgeous ass out there. The man you want wants you – but he can’t find you unless you put out some clear signals – online or off.

You are the goddess-queen you have always dreamed of and your warrior-king is waiting. Go find him.

If you have already mastered these 10 tips and are ready to date, head on over to the free training video and avoid the 3 most common mistakes women make when getting back into the dating scene in midlife.